How many conversations do we miss?
August 5th, 2009
I had an interesting experience today. An experience all deaf people have and really don’t think about – or we don’t allow ourselves to consider. I was walking to my car and bumped into my local estate agent. We chatted for a minute or two walking to my car which happened to be parked outside a hairdressers, one (by coincidence) we both use. The hairdresser came outside and said “Hi” to both of us. At that point, I said “Cheers” and drove away as I knew maintaining a conversation with both of them would just be too difficult and stressful, even though they are both very nice guys and easy to communicate with on a one to one basis. So what happened there? I turned down an opportunity of a fresh and new conversation which might, just might, have taught me something new. So if we all miss opportunities like this that hearing people have ten times a day, surely our expanding knowledge and social skills is going to grow at a slower rate – how can it be otherwise? That does not mean hearing people are wise and wonderful (not at all) and that we are not, but it does mean we might have less spontaneous opportunities to expand and grow our conversational muscles. How many conversations did you miss today?
Yep, I agree with this – I like to take part in a bit of banter & conversation but it is definitely a level of confidence that I’ve had to cultivate. Deaf & hearing people alike have great pearls of wisdom but yet talk rubbish – myself included. That’s how we learn from one another whether we like it or not.
About the hairdresser experience, they’re quite people orientated anyway so I’d have taken my chance and had a conversation but making sure that they’re aware that I’m deaf (I’d try to get past the stage of “oh, what’s it like to be deaf” and generally trying to get their heads around it) – they either get it or they don’t. My position is “take it or leave it” – much simpler for me and I prefer to cut out the crap.
Anyone agree with me?
Well – funnily enough – I was at the hairdressers for a trim – and the hairdresser happened to be a little hard of hearing – During the haircut, she mentioned that I was very quiet?! She only did my hair about a couple of years back but I wasn’t talkative then – and that remark woke me up wondering if I should speak up more but it also left me with a dilemma – shall I leave her to get on with her job otherwise she will struggle with cutting and lipreading me at the same time – so I just opted for being quiet. I gave myself a silent kicking on the way home, wishing I had been more talkative – what if I died tomorrow and I had not grabbed the chance to talk.
This morning at work, two girls were nattering and I happened to pick up a couple of words and joined in the conversation – but I also wondered if it was the right moment to join in as the conversation sort of faltered and dried up.
I think we can cast away our worries and go with the spur of the moment feeling, if we could but it is probably a matter of practice that picks up with time or telling the participiants in the conversation to realise that I can watch one conversation at a time – Still there’s always the fear inside me that they may drift off…… or AM I too much in my comfort zone by passing up my chances???